Understanding Me, Myself and I

I knew as soon as I woke up that my head was not in a good place – I just didn’t know why.

I was ok for the first part of the morning, but back home just zones out and wasted 2hrs gaming, Mayo was just starting to speak to me about getting my arse moving when I got some news about plan changes.

I’m not always the best at last minute changes anyway, but my reaction was extreme. I burst into tears and had to get out the house as I wasn’t alone and didn’t feel able to melt down in my safe space at that point.

Luckily a very good friend allowed me to make home a safe space for the time it took to stop sobbing, to rant, to calm down, to rationalise.

I also acknowledge that part of what I didn’t like about the change today was it affects me but I had no say or control in it.

I find myself going round and round in circles – I feel my action was extreme, but it’s what I felt in the moment and trying to separate that from the situation and rationalise if it’s ok to feel that it was unfair is really hard 🤯

Then I struggle to talk about because I know I’m emotional, wobbly and if I’m honest a little angry – but the last thing I want right now is an argument.

I also want to be able to say what I mean rather than rant unreasonably like a screaming banshee!!!

However a tiny positive – I very nearly went for a drive and blasting music but I knew in my state that was not a wise choice as my driving would have been fast and reckless – at least I didn’t make stupid choices.

As much as it’s nice to not be at work this week – I think not having the discipline of the work routine is very unhelpful for me. I think I need to work out how to manage time out of work better…. 🤔

Last of all check in: tracked sleep but did not sleep well. Didn’t do walk for routine, have tracked eating ✔️ have managed to achieve some chores ✔️

Let’s see what tmw brings…. I’m hoping Mayo will get me back on track and back into routine 🤞🏻