Understanding Me, Myself and I

I am sitting here in bed feeling like shit – don’t want to get up, don’t to do anything and yet there is another voice in my head, like a drill sergeant, over and over “Get up, Get moving, Get up, Get moving” then it recedes like an echo getting lost down the far reaches of a cave. The weight of my apathy is back “ one short message, say you’re not well and then you can stay in bed, all day, alone in peace” Then the drill sergeant is back. My alarm goes off at 6am so this has been going on for 2hrs meaning so far the apathy is currently stronger. I am already now out of routine. It is so frustrating and confusing to know on one level I am drifting off course and yet feel powerless to do anything about it, my body feels heavy like I’ve been drugged. I am writing this post because a) the whole point of this blog was to act like a diary and to start to try and see patterns, spot red flags and b) this sounds bonkers but I think this is the drill sergeant sneaking in, getting me to do something, anything! I think my drill sergeant is working hard to push me in the right direction to course correction. The drill sergeant is trying to push against the apathy of “do walkfit workout later” or “one day off won’t hurt”

I’m gonna give my apathy a name….. Sloan and my Drill Sergeant’s name is Mayo. Sloan and Mayo’s circling voices are making my head hurt 🤯

And now I’m wondering is it actually Sloan writing the blog? Sloans logic is that whilst I’m writing this I’m still sat in bed, still not up, not dressed, not getting on with the day.

I think I have had these 2 in my head my entire life.

Mayo is back “Get up, Get moving, Get up, Get moving”

Sloan is still not convinced they want to…..